"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like a ham and egg breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

The sermon had ended. The priest had descended. Much delighted were they, But preferred the old way.

"Dirty diapers and politicians should be changed every so often...usually for the same reason."

"I'm not gonna fire a $2 million dollar missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt."

"Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves."

"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."

"If people concentrated on the really important things in life there would be a shortage of fishing poles."

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

"Money doesn't make you happy. Now I have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."

"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you the opportunity to commit more."

"If a man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because we can't burn him."

"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking."

"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."